The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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