You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
