Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
