my being single is dangerous.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
