and you said cock pushups were impossible
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
