uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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