"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
