Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
