My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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