We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
