she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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