did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
