Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
