So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
