THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
