Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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