Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
