Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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