you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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