The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
