What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She bit a glass in half.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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