he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
