I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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