I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
