Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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