i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize