I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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