She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
