You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
