if you like me you must not know who I am
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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