I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
