when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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