i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
