you guys were way drunker than both of me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
