drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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