look no pants
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
