Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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