I just saw a hot homeless man
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's like heaven, but drunker
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
