just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
