I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize