I met the friendliest cop last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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