WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
