He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
