if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
