I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize