Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
