well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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