we're blogging at a bar
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
