If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish my penis had a tongue
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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