My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was CRYING into my vagina
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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