Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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