I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
