can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
