I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want a musical about memes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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