so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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