My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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