also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
