her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize