Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
