Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
