Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
