Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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