He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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