My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We had to coat check the pizza.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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