Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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