On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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