We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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