dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
