Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
