You're so nebulous sometimes
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
