So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
