just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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