He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize