I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
