we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
