Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
