You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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